2009
Vyasa-Puja Offering to Srila Prabhupada - 2009
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept my prostrated obeisances in the dust of Your lotus feet. All glories to Your Divine Grace!
Recently one devotee who I've known since the first day he visited your temple in New York City 30 years ago came into my room late one evening in Budapest and we talked for quite some time. Before he left he asked me one question which seemed important to him. I had been lying in bed throughout our whole discussion, tired from the day's events but since he understood that I needed to frequently assume a prone position to avoid too much pressure on my back, he was not thinking that my lying in bed was due to any lack of interest in our discussion—although actually the fact was that I was very tired and was not thinking very clearly. Since the conversation had been somewhat casual up until then it was no problem to continue the discussion. But my consciousness was not prepared for any kind of deep or highly philosophical question. With his computer in hand, as if he was about to take notes for an interview, he asked me one and only one question, "What gives you faith in Krsna consciousness?" It was not a deep and highly philosophical question, so I just paused for a moment and told him the first things that came to my mind.
I did not think there was much to my answer but evidently he did because as I later found out, the reason he had his computer with him was because wanted to take notes and his intention was to post my answer just after our discussion on the internet.
I later found his posting and read the answer I gave him. 1) "Association with Godbrothers—those who have given every fiber of their existence for serving Srila Prabhupada. 2) The holy name, Who has not kicked me away after so many years. 3) Srila Prabhupada’s books—I read other books but always come back to them, they have a special sweetness—Srila Prabhupada did give us everything."
I’d like to elaborate on this points now if you will allow me. I feel that an elaboration is required. And though it can never be a suitable glorification for You on this day of Your Divine appearance, it will give me the opportunity to say something from my heart and how I still have faith in Krishna Consciousness which was my answer to this devotee’s question.
The first was association with Godbrothers who have given every fiber of their existence for serving You. Actually their association is non-different than having association with You and sometimes I feel within my heart that serving them is as good as serving You. I have such great fortune to have the association of so many devotees who have given every fiber of their existence to You. I can honestly say that I’ve never felt any lack of association of such devotees in Your Krishna Consciousness movement.
Although I did not have so much personal association with You, I did have the opportunity to sit in Your lectures on many occasions, I did have the opportunity to see Your lotus feet, to walk behind You. I did have the opportunity to catch Your glance and see how You looked deep into my eyes and saw everything about the history of this jiva-soul. And certainly these few precious moments have given me faith in serving You and faith in Krishna Consciousness.
But I can honestly say that the association of Your servants also gives me such faith. As I said I had no lack of their association. They are all very merciful to me and always give me a very good example of what it means to give one’s life to the service of Your lotus feet. I cannot claim to be such a servant, but I can claim to be their servant, because I see that again and again and again they allow me to do this. And this gives me the opportunity to feel hope that some day I may be able to sufficiently serve You.
This experience also gives me great confidence and faith that the most unbelievable experience that one can possibly have is to have the firm faith that You are accepting my service, even though deep in my heart I feel that I do nothing for You. I can’t claim to be Your servant, I’m only Your aspiring servant, but I can claim to be a servant of Your servants, and that gives me great hope and great faith.
I thank You for their association, because without You I would not have it. You are everything to me, Srila Prabhupada, and everything and everyone connected to You is the only meaning in this life.
I also explained how the Holy Name of the Lord gives me such faith, because despite the fact that I’ve been chanting for so many years still the Holy Name of the Lord has not rejected me. I feel that in my heart when I chant Krishna’s names.
Krishna in the form of His Holy name is the most forgiving manifestation of the Lord. And although I may give so many philosophical explanations about the different levels of chanting the Holy Name I know that I did not realize these different levels of chanting. But one thing I do know and that is that I do want to chant. One thing that I do know that every morning when I wake up, the first thing that comes to my mind is the necessity of chanting Krishna’s names. This is connected to You also, Srila Prabhupada, and I thank You for this wonderful gift, because You have given me this gift of Krishna’s Holy Name.
And the last point I made to this devotee is about Your books. It’s true that I read many other books but it’s amazing how every time I come back to Your books. I can see that You’ve actually given us everything. Your books have a special sweetness. They have the capacity to awaken the heart and to realize the urgency of Krishna Consciousness.
When I read Your books I hear Your voice in Your lectures 1966-1967. That special tone of Your voice with such a fatherly affection, with such a sense of urgency for all those who hear Your message to become Krishna conscious. When I read Your books, I hear that voice and I hear You calling me to the shelter of Your lotus feet.
So this is the special sweetness I find whenever I read Your books. And I pray that You always allow me to enter deeply into understanding myself and my relationship with You through reading Your books. So, although this is an inadequate elaboration of these points which came to my mind that evening, when this devotee asked me that question, it is my offering to Your lotus feet and expression of a grateful prayer to Your lotus feet. Thanking You for giving me all of these devotees and all of this association, so that one day I may fully become Your fully surrendered servant of Your lotus feet. I can tell You honestly from the core of my heart, Srila Prabhupada, it is the only desire of my heart.
Your servant,
Niranjana Swami
August 15, 2009 - New Vraja Dhama - Vyasa Puja Offering - English/ Hungarian
Length: 15:59 minutes
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