Dear Śrīla Prabhupāda,
nama oṁ viṣṇu-pādāya kṛṣṇa-preṣṭhāya bhū-tale
śrīmate bhaktivedānta-svāminn iti nāmine
namas te sārasvate deve gaura-vāṇī-pracāriṇe
nirviśeṣa-śūnyavādi-pāścātya-deśa-tāriṇe
I offer my obeisance in the dust of your lotus feet.
Just now, I listened to a lecture by Nirañjana Swami given at an initiation in Lithuania and reminding us of what initiation meant in the early 1970s. The prominent aspect in those formative years, he so relevantly exposed, is that the mood of “I must do” or “have to do” was not our incentive. Unfortunately, I must say my mood is that I have to write my offering, since today is the deadline. And, it will be the “deadline” anytime soon.
Vyāsa-pūjā day again and again – at every moment you are appearing. But the specific day of your appearance is the most glorious day of our lives and indeed of the whole world, even though it may be unknown to almost everyone. The privilege of writing an offering to you is the greatest good fortune. That privilege is the right of each and every aspiring servant who is following in your footsteps. Writing an offering is an essential act of connection, of association.
In the words of Lord Kapila you so kindly gave us:
prasaṅgam ajaraṁ pāśam
ātmanaḥ kavayo viduḥ
sa eva sādhuṣu kṛto
mokṣa-dvāram apāvṛtam
“Every learned man knows very well that attachment for the material is the greatest entanglement of the spirit soul. But that same attachment, when applied to the self-realized devotees, opens the door of liberation.” (Bhāgavatam 3.25.20)
This is one of those foundational verses giving us a constant reminder of the path you walk and implore that we follow.
Absorbed in thinking of you, it is a time to deepen our attachment to you. A time to glorify you. To enter deeply into our relationship with you. To deepen our appreciation of you. To dedicate and rededicate ourselves to you. To remember all that you have done. To ponder your mission. To reflect on the movement since your departure and the amazing achievements of many of your disciples both within and without. A day to cry to you for mercy – to repent, to appreciate others, to let go of our false ego and embrace the transcendental ego of being proud to have the chance to associate with you. A day to realize how little devotion I have. A day of surrender.
These are the most intimate and significant moments of the year, simply thinking of you while attempting to write some words. Words from the heart. A golden opportunity to be honest. Of course, we should be honest at every moment, but this is the special time to truly feel your darshan, which is still as much available now as ever – in fact, it’s even more available now through your ever-expanding family, because we can remember you through the many memories and accounts of your interactions and revelations others share with us.
Especially on this day, Kṛṣṇa provided technological methods by which we can absorb ourselves in hearing and seeing the pure devotee. Above all your books is you, and you are the transparent medium in the books through which we can see Kṛṣṇa on every page. You are so powerful that by all these means you give your association to us, according to our surrender.
As Kṛṣṇa appears in many forms by which we witness the actions of His energies and thereby remember Him, so you also appear in many forms. We can remember you in practically everything, since you are not only a transcendentalist showing us that which is beyond our vision, but you are bringing that transcendence into the external world, to which we relate in every way. In every breath, step, thought, act, interaction, word, and deed. St. Francis of Assisi once said in answer to the question, “When we go out to preach, should we walk?”: “It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.” Yes, you taught us to see everything in relationship with Kṛṣṇa and to use it the way He would like.
Today, we can reflect on what causeless good fortune we have to be so close to such an exalted person – the rarest opportunity in this world, what to speak of in Kali-yuga. Associating with you means associating with Kṛṣṇa, since Kṛṣṇa is always with you in your every moment.
Those in the outside world think you have gone, but you have not. You have left the boat of pure devotion on this shore for us to board. The boat is the shelter of your lotus feet, your instructions, and more.
This year, your birthday falls on September 5, at least in France. I look often at the VedaBase to see what you did on that day, what you said, and what was happening around you on that date. This is one way that we can hear and see you during your manifest pastimes every day. Another nice way to feel your presence at every moment.
In his book, Servant of the Servant, Tamāl Krishna Goswami mentions some of the drops of mercy you shared with a few disciples in your room on 5 September 1977. You were at Bhaktivedanta Manor on that day and in the last few months of your manifest presence. You were in extremely severe health.
“Oh, you are doing so much. If I live or die, it is all right. Otherwise, I want to see you all a little stronger.”
“As a father likes to see his estate nicely managed, so I am like that. Get places and print. The whole world is simply waiting for Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Let us give them something. Let them be happy.”
“We were sitting with Prabhupāda in his sitting room after darshan,” Tamāl Krishna Mahārāja writes. “Seeing an opportune moment, I presented Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, Tenth Canto, Part One. With great affection he took the Bhāgavatam, held it to his head respectfully, and turned from page to page, reading everything carefully. Then he wanted us to read. I said, “You must give us all the chapters of the Tenth Canto.” With a look that expressed determination and confidence that Kṛṣṇa would enable him, Prabhupāda agreed. He was then offered the Vyāsa-puja book. Turning each page and looking at all the pictures, he remarked, “Like father, like son.”
On September 5, 1974, Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote to Bali Mardana: “My only anxiety is to guide you. Krishna sometimes makes me sick just to examine how much you have learned to conduct the business under my guidance, with a little independence. You should never act independently, because my guidance in my words are always there. The main guidance is all of us should remain spiritually strong by chanting the minimum number of rounds and following the rules and regulations.”
Another transcendental way you are always guiding us to Kṛṣṇa through sickness and, finally, death.
And for me, who had little direct association with you, you are fully present in unlimited ways, although I do not fully appreciate it.
Your presence is felt in the annals of time.
To this day it remains fully sublime.
As we ponder your presence in the darkness of night
The memories of you give us light.
What sustains me and others is your life of submission
To your guru’s orders and Kṛṣṇa’s transmission.
Your vāṇī remains for all to embrace
Delivering fully your divine grace.
You have left the boat on this forlorn shore
To ferry us over with the spiritual oar
And bring us safely to the other side,
Free from illusion no more to hide,
To serve your Lord Kṛṣṇa with heart and soul
To realize that He’s in control.
Where to begin and never to end
I offer this ode which on this day do send
On your 130th appearance day
Submit to your feet and fervently pray
That the glorification of your family tree
Will mercifully help me to properly see
Exactly what’s happening beyond this mind
And open my eyes which are presently blind.
Your books, your temples, your eating, your talks,
Your breathing, your dressing, your movements, your walks,
Your smiling, chastisements, your humor, your love,
Compassion personified, descend from above.
Your chanting and dancing, your writing, dictations,
Your boldness in preaching “form united nations.”
’Tis bhakti alone that will save the world,
The love within becoming unfurled.
Your care and attention to every and all,
Your reading and praying you lovingly call
To the Lord of your heart and His consort,
Guru and Vaiṣṇavas who give us support.
Your śiṣyas, godbrothers, to preaching the dharma,
Your dealings with others causing no harm
To the children, the public, to women, and old,
Preach no matter in heat and in cold.
Don’t drive too fast and turn off the light.
Relish prasādam with every bite.
Waste not the prasādam, not even a grain.
Turn off the tap lest it pour down the drain
Keep the kitchen clean, it’s Rādhā’s abode.
The bathrooms, the toilets, spotlessly glowed.
The bedrooms, the storerooms, and all that exists –
To clean them persistently you did insist.
Be careful with lakṣmī, to us it belongs not.
Remember that no matter what we have got.
Must be used in his service down to the line
For Kṛṣṇa’s pleasure and not for mine.
To all living beings compassion you show
Animals and birds and especially the cow,
To the plants and the trees, the horse and the bees,
To the fish and the insects, the dog or the fly
They are Kṛṣṇa’s children – they don’t want to die.
Your darshans, your lectures, your letters galore,
The Deities that you installed for all
The farms, the schools, the restaurants too,
Scientific preaching to show us what’s true.
And book distribution, your heart and soul,
Showing clearly what is life’s ultimate goal.
To us you gave the lawbooks of mankind:
For 10,000 years we can find
Direction, inspiration and every solution.
Push us on with unlimited distribution
On the streets of New York alone you did go.
The perfect example you did mercifully show.
Let’s make this yajña our life and soul;
To distribute books our primary goal.
Your travels, your dealings with problems galore,
Your patience, humility, and unlimited more.
Your qualities are beyond our scope.
Your mercy stands as our only hope.
I can’t forget prasādam at least two times a day.
That’s 40,000 helpings – around forty tons, I’d say.
And my favorite halava, two tons downed at least –
Where has it gone, I ask myself, the fruit of many a feast.
But for me above all your presence is found
In your followers both gone and those still around
Who have carried your love wherever they go,
No matter how small or if we don’t know
Who they are or what they did,
Their service to you is never hid
From the Lord of the heart who sees each act
Recording their good fortune, He keeps a track.
To the lesser known who humbly pursue
The path of devotion and service to you
Not expecting any honor or recognition,
Their devotion unswerving serving the mission.
To those who have temporarily drifted
We know that their service will always be gifted
With your unending mercy to bring them back home
Even though they may have appeared to roam.
To the GBC who relentlessly stay
Sacrificing their lives to maintain your way
With the ongoing challenge of keeping the mission
From breaking apart causing division
Facing challenges galore and criticism
Have stayed together avoiding a schism.
To numerous devotees who give me light
To help me through this darkness of night
Where oftentimes I lose my sight
And often consider to give up the fight
This is your vāṇī, which keeps me alive
I pray that your mission will unlimitedly thrive.
Maintaining your gifts and not claiming them mine
But to humbly submit for eternal time.
To hold your hand and never let go
Submit at your feet and remain always low
To be guided by you and never depart
To accept you in the core of my heart
As my life and soul your vāṇī I hold
Your living example a drop has been told.
At this time of reflection
Unavoidable dejection
To see so many stalwarts depart
And now when this body is old
And energies are almost sold
Please appear within my heart.
To guide me on the final leg
Your mercy I humbly beg.
I know that some clever or foolish poetry means nothing in and of itself, especially when it is presented with desire for recognition, but I hope that somehow a small drop will benefit someone and maybe please you. At least it has occupied my devious mind in thinking of you for hours on end. For this opportunity I thank you again and again, Śrīla Prabhupāda, for “appearing in this world” and allowing such a rogue as myself the privilege of a drop of your association.
When, as Nirañjana Mahārāja so succinctly pointed out, will that “have to do” become a “want to do” and eventually “all that I do”? I wish that could be my permanent state.
Servant of your servants’ servants,
Janānanda Goswami