Dear Śrīla Prabhupāda,
Please accept my humble obeisances in the dust of your lotus feet. All glories to you. All glories
to your service to your spiritual master, Śrīla Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Ṭhākura Prabhupāda and
to Lord Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu!
At the end of your purport to Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam 9.4.68 you write: “The devotee does not do
anything not sanctioned by the Supreme Personality of Godhead. As it is said, vaiṣṇavera kriyā
mudrā vijñeha nā bujhaya. Even the most learned or experienced person cannot understand the
movements of a Vaiṣṇava, a pure devotee.”
This is the description of a Vaiṣṇava that best suits you, dear Śrīla Prabhupāda. Over the years,
I am gradually becoming more aware of how much your actions are dictated by Kṛṣṇa Himself.
Here are some examples of this:
When you read your books with your purports, sometimes you asked your disciples, “Why am
I reading my own books? Have you seen any author reading his books? No, they don’t read. Why
is that?” And you answered yourself: “Because they write their own books. I don’t write my own
books. I write what Kṛṣṇa dictates to me. That’s why I read my own books with interest.”
For several years you told your disciples, “There’s going to be a World War, so you have to
distribute a lot of books to try to fix this situation.” But afterward you said, “There will be no war.”
The disciples were surprised: “Why, Prabhupāda? After all, you used to talk about its inevitability.”
Then you replied, “Yes, that’s what Kṛṣṇa thought. But you, my disciples, distributed the books so
well that He changed His mind.”
When you were preparing to leave your body in 1977, your senior disciples came to Vrindavan
and begged, “Dear Śrīla Prabhupāda, don’t leave us! Stay with us! We can’t live without you!”
You started eating again and gradually came back to life. It was another miracle that you showed
them. The disciples were happy and thought that now you would stay with them for a long time.
But you said, “Kṛṣṇa is calling me.” After that you stopped eating again and gradually left in full
Krsna consciousness in Vrindavan.
Yes, dear Śrīla Prabhupāda, you acted, are acting, and will act on the direct orders of Lord Śrī
Kṛṣṇa.
I was lucky enough to meet you in my life, and I am infinitely happy about it. I am making
my humble attempts to realize the greatness of your personality, the meaning of your books, and
even trying to participate in some aspects of your preaching mission, but I realize that my lack of
understanding you is bigger than my understanding of you.
I try to accept you with my Kali-yuga-like heart, as much as it is possible for me. I don’t
stop trying to do this. Just before going to bed yesterday I again listened to an excerpt from
Śrīla Prabhupāda-līlāmṛta, a book about you written by your beloved disciple, Satsvarūpa dāsa
Goswami. A few hours earlier I was studying your books and purports as part of the Bhakti-
vedanta course that you personally established. I tried not only to understand philosophy, logic,
and the sequence of events, but also with my heart to imbibe you and your devotion to the Lord.
I’m also trying to preach. I tell devotees the sambandha, inspire them to follow the abhidheya,
and discuss prayojana and how it can be achieved. By your grace, dear Śrīla Prabhupāda, this year
in Māyāpur, your beloved disciple Śrīla Nirañjana Swami mercifully initiated me into the sannyāsa
ashram along with other sannyāsīs present, such as Bhakti Caitanya Swami, Prahlādānanda Swami,
and Candramauli Swami. The next morning, at Ekachakra, I performed an abhiṣeka with water
from the Lord Nityānanda’s lake, bathing the little mūrti of you my Guru Mahārāja presented to
me at the ceremony. I hope I was able to please you. Please be merciful to me and let me always
remember that my service as an ISKCON sannyāsī is my personal service to you, dear Śrīla
Prabhupāda. And all the results of this service – enlightening Vaiṣṇavas, preaching in society, and
so on, are not my results but yours.
Please, dear Śrīla Prabhupāda, remain my param-guru and always continue to bestow your
blessings on me, your unworthy servant, like a thundercloud. You are the main part of my spiri-
tual life. I read your books every day. I chant sixteen rounds of japa every day, as you ordered.
Every day I sing kīrtanas, which you established as daily sādhana. Every day I take prasādam
because you said that “we must eat our way home to the spiritual world.” I cooperate with other
devotees in various countries. I preach in various countries. For the past twenty years I have
been traveling with your mūrti and trying to talk to, listen to, and read about you, dear Śrīla
Prabhupāda.
Please mercifully continue to reveal yourself to me in my heart, even if I am not qualified for
that. Without you, I’m not even interested in spiritual life. I would not want to be left without
you, dear Śrīla Prabhupāda. Please don’t reject me.
Trying to serve your lotus feet in some way,
Viśvāvasu Swami