My Dear Guru Maharaja, Spiritual Baba
Please accept my humble obeisance’s to the dust of your lotus feet.
I am offering homage to you and I feel very insignificant and feel very small to write to such an exalted personality. I have to start begging for your forgiveness for having the audacity to address this homage. I do not deserve to enjoy your mercy which you shower on me all the time. When I see other devotees and then see myself, I feel that I hardly serve you and the ISKCON Movement. I am advancing in age but not in wisdom in surrendering more and more to you and Krsna actually I don't even know what surrender is in real terms.
You are so merciful to have accepted me as your spiritual daughter and kindly gave me your mercy, but my anarthas were unknowingly growing, even while chanting the holy name. I am so unsteady, and I am a cheater I am committing nama-aparadhas all the time. I am very sinful and my heart is full of sin, please forgive me.
I know after committing an offence one must approach the offended person asking for forgiveness. But how can I approach the holy name if I do not appreciate the auspiciousness of the holy name? so I am appealing to you, please forgive me. I am drowning in illusion. Even though I secretly keep the desire to remain a toy in Maya's hands, please do not leave me alone! When I hear other devotees chanting the Maha mantra, my chanting sounds inferior, When I hear others sing the Kirtan so ecstatically, I wish for a drop of that ecstasy because I don't get any of that.
When I compare my service that I do with another devotee, mine looks very insignificant. My only hope left in this very miserable, stressful life is your causeless mercy of lifting me from this most fallen degraded life. I beg you to implant in me a better taste for chanting, to fill in me a little ecstasy to participate in the Sankirtan movement. Please show me ways to respect devotees and chastise me for my offences to them. I also beg you to teach me how to remove the weeds of pride and vanity from the depths of my body and impure mind. I have no one else who can carry out this operation except You Guru Maharaja .
Your personality, both physically and spiritual, purifies the hearts and minds of an umpteen number of devotees all over the world. I pray today and every day Sri Sri Jagannath, Baladeva and Srimate Subhadra to protect you in all times and travels. I pray to Radha Londonisvara to add my lifeline on to Yours so that you can continue to bestow Your causeless mercy for longer in this ocean of birth and death. I pray to Sri Sri Gaura Nitai and Srila Prabhupada to bestow their choicest mercy on You and to provide the best of health and longest life. I love you very much baba. Please forgive me for my offences
Your worthless servant and eternal servant,
Dipa Dasa,
London, East, United Kingdom
