Dearest Guru Mahārājā,
Please accept my humble obeisances at your lotus feet!
All Glories to Śrīla Prabupadha!
All Glories to Guru Mahārājā and Gaurāṅga!
Dearest Guru Mahārājā,
Every day I think of writing my realization to you but I don't have proper word to express my gratitude to you...still I have been feeling a strong urge in my heart to write it down so I am trying to do it ...
Whenever I look back in my life from the day I have taken into Kṛṣṇa Consciousness I could recall it was all Mahaprabhu, Śrīla Prabhupāda and your causeless mercy that I have been saved ...I remember after Dayanvita Jahnava Devī Dāsī, my sister ( your initiated disciple) took into Kṛṣṇa Consciousness when I first went to her room I saw your picture hanging in the wall and I asked who is he. She told me ' he is my Guru Mahārājā'
I didn't know anything about it and I simply look at you in the picture... I didn't know I was not only looking at the picture of Dayanvita's Guru Mahārājā but I was looking at the picture of My Guru Mahārājā...I didn't know that it was my first encounter with my Guru Mahārājā...I looked at you and I forgot about it by being engaged in material life again ...But you never forgot me Guru Mahārājā and you gave me so much mercy...it was your causeless mercy that I have been continuously guided by ,taken care of by your disciples without doing anything from my side ...
and now today here I am in Māyāpur sitting in front of you hearing directly from your lotus mouth ...I often feel uncomfortable to be here on Māyāpur among all the wonderful devotees as I don't understand what am I doing here...even though I don't understand it is your causeless mercy Guru Mahārājā that I have been brought here through the arrangement of your disciples... I don't know what I am supposed to learn ..but I have learned how insignificant I am in front of all these wonderful devotees, I have learned how Merciful Mahaprabhu ,Śrīla Prabhupāda and How merciful You are Guru Mahārājā that inspite of having so many wonderful disciples of yours, you have given your merciful glance upon me and has brought such a insignificant soul like me so near to you...
I am so happy Guru Mahārājā I often get confused by thinking what prayers I should offer in front of Mahaprabhu as I have nothing to ask for...I have got more than enough I can ever imagine for but today when I was sitting in your class suddenly I realized that I have developed a burning desire to be recognized by you, to be recognized by Śrīla Prabhupāda and to be recognized by Kṛṣṇa by following all your instructions Guru Mahārājā...
I heard one story which really touch my heart ...one devotee of Kṛṣṇa every single day comes to temple to take his darshan without fail, but he was blind .one day one person asked him why are you coming in front of the Deities as you cannot see ..then the devotee said I am not coming to see Kṛṣṇa, in fact I am coming in front of Kṛṣṇa to give my presence so that "Kṛṣṇa can see that here is a devotee of mine ,he may be blind but he regularly comes to me to show his devotion" and gives his glance upon me
This story was so heart touching for me Guru Mahārājā, because the devotee was so faithful that some day Kṛṣṇa will definitely recognise him...it gives me so much strength Guru Mahārājā, I don't know anything, I don't know how to speak, I don't know how to preach, I don't know how to help you in your mission to fulfil Śrīla Prabhupāda's desire to spread Kṛṣṇa Consciousness everywhere... I am simply like that blind man...but I have a deep desire to try to follow your instructions Guru Mahārājā with the hope that My Guru Mahārājā will recognise me as his spiritual daughter and that will be the success if my life...
Your spiritual daughter,
Snehavatī Gāndharvikā devī dāsī