Hare Krishna Guru Maharaja,
Please accept my humble obeisances
All glories to Srila Prabhupada
nama oṁ viṣṇu-pādāya kṛṣṇa-preṣṭhāya bhū-tale
śrīmate jayapatākā-svāmin iti nāmine
namo ācāryapādāya nitāi-kṛpa-pradāyine
gaura-kathā dhāmadhāya nagara-grāma tāriṇe
My dear Gurumaharaj, I am very much delighted that you are back with us and leading our spiritual lives by removing all obstacles for us. Yet I am very weak in my Krishna Consciousness. My practice of Krishna Consciousness is like a roller coaster, sometimes I am very fired up and enthusiastic and determined and sometimes I feel plunged head first into the pool of laziness, lethargy and procrastination. The times I am very fired up is usually the effect of me having taken strong association of devotees either through hearing or through physical association of devotees. The times I have weakened Krishna Consciousness is due to extreme complacency. Every time I come out of complacency, I always remember Srila Prabhupada mentioning, how Krishna Consciousness is like kṣurasya dhārā - like walking on a sharpened razor and a little complacency and your out. Then I remember you gurumaharaja from my memory of 20 + years that never once you showed a tinge of complacency, fully immersed in fulfilling the instruction of your gurumaharaja- Srila Prabhupada, fully immersed in taking care of your disciples, inquiring about their spiritual practices and elevating them, taking care of Sridham Mayapur, take care of your god-brothers, all this during your worst health condition. Still, you never compromised on your chanting, reading, hearing and preaching.
Gurumaharaja, you are the true embodiment of the following verse, Srila Rupa Goswami mentions in the Nectar of Instruction (Text 3).
utsāhān niścayād dhairyāt
tat-tat-karma-pravartanāt
saṅga-tyāgāt sato vṛtteḥ
ṣaḍbhir bhaktiḥ prasidhyati
You perform your Krishna consciousness with so much enthusiasm that it’s so contagious and blissful, we forget ourselves, our worries and get enthused to perform devotional service along with you and in your footsteps. Your confidence with which you perform your devotional service, despite all sorts of bodily troubles, fills me with confidence on the power of the holy names with whose strength you easily counteract all these troubles. The manifestation of the holy names, the mercy of Gauranga Mahaprabhu are clearly visible and firmly established in you Gurumaharaja. You perform all devotional services, oversee all projects, resolve issues of your disciples, travel to a new place every couple of days with so much discomfort with such exemplary patience that one may wonder the source of these herculean amounts of patience. But as disciples, we all see that your firm conviction in the holy names and your Spiritual master’s instructions is the true source for all these qualities. I have noticed that many times that any non-devotee who comes in contact with you, one way or another, at some point in their lives turn to Krishna Consciousness. Sometimes they may not be favorable to Krishna Consciousness due to various reasons but are very favorable to you and hence follow your instruction of chanting. Showcasing all these qualities and more in yourself and by being an example to us, you have shown how blissful Krishna Consciousness is and you have practically proven that strong uncompromising, uncomplacent and sincere sadhana with full conviction will protect us from any sort of danger or threat.
My dear Gurumaharaja, I want to follow in your footsteps and be in the bliss of devotional service in your shadow and command. I perform whatever services that come my way, such as helping in cooking, cleaning, performance of arati, helping arrange festivals and helping out devotees wherever I can. But since my sadhana is weak, I am not able to do my services with full clarity and enthusiasm. Despite you showering so much mercy on me, I have not fully taken shelter of it.
But Gurumaharaja, I want to change. I want to be more mature in my observance of Krishna Consciousness. I want to serve you personally. I want to understand you more intimately by listening to your lectures. I don’t want to trouble you.
I pray for your blessings, that hopefully by next Vyasapuja, I have something favorable to say about my practice of devotional service such that it will please you.
Finally, please give me the shade of your lotus feet.
Your insignificant disciple,
Sudarshan Gopal Das
