Dear Gurumaharaj,
Please accept my humble obeisances.
All Glories to Srila Prabhupada.
Today is your auspicious appearance day. Happy appearance day Gurumaharaj. When I think of myself, the days I spent before coming in contact with Krishna consciousness directly, the association I would have, the activities I would perform, the ambitions I would nurture in my heart, the perspective with which I looked at this world, now all those seem a nightmare to me. Although my days were apparently passing well, now I understand that I was in a great illusion.
Recently when I went to my hometown, some of my school friends came to meet me. We were trying to catch up with the lost days, remembering school memories and other stuff. When they were telling all these things, in my mind I was just thinking, “OMG, I am somehow saved from all these horrors.” I was comparing my current situation with them, where I wasn’t able to relate with them anymore. Even my friends were also telling me, “Among all our classmates and friends circle, you are in the best position in life.” I felt it was true. At that time I was thinking further that, years back we all were on the same track, the same page, but then what is that, which made all the differences? The answer that came to me was, ‘The gift of Krishna Consciousness’, which I received from Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Srila Prabhupada through Your Holiness.
In my childhood days sometimes I would visit the local ISKCON temple in my hometown with my grandmother, those are very vague memories in my mind. After years when I again decided to visit that ISKCON temple, coincidently or maybe by the will of providence, that happened to be one of the rare visits of your holiness in that city. So in my conscious memory, my first day in ISKCON I got your darshan and that day itself I wanted to take initiation from you, although at that time I didn’t have any slightest clue about what it meant to take spiritual initiation. Earlier I saw my uncle-aunt took initiation from some caste gurus. They just went inside a room and after some time came out as initiated with the only rule of chanting a secret mantra once or twice a day. That’s all. No other restrictions. Do or eat whatever you want. So easy. So I thought in my mind, “What’s the big deal, let me also take initiation.” Then a local devotee explained to me about following the four regulative principles and chanting the Hare Krishna Mahamantra. As soon as I heard them, I said in my mind, “No way.” But just to avoid my embarrassment I told that devotee, “Okay, I can try.” He smiled at me and said, “Okay, good. Why don't you try it out for one year and next year you can come for initiation?” I was relieved and took my leave, happy not to get bound by these rules and regulations. But I was amazed by your Bengali lecture. And somehow I got a chance to offer some flowers at your lotus feet.
But the next week I again visited the temple to attend a Gita course for the students and gradually my life changed. Those rules-regulations didn’t leave me. They are still chasing me and demanding my absolute obedience. Dear Gurumaharaj, please bless me so that I can follow them strictly throughout my life and never ever think of breaking them even in my wildest dream.
Although I am still in an illusory state acting under the external energy of the supreme personality of Godhead, the difference between today and those days is, today I am in safe hands. Although I am still tripping and falling at every small step, I am on the right path. Although I am still mad with anarthas and infected by the virus of bodily identification, the difference is, today I am under the right doctor. So I have full faith that if I continue to be under this treatment and medication properly, sooner or later one fine day I will get cured fully. Please bless it to be sooner only.
You are always insisting us to preach Krishna Consciousness and wonderfully demonstrate by your own example. Please bless me so that I can understand the philosophy of Krishna Consciousness correctly, practice and preach it without getting distracted by name, fame or any other material motives.
I feel and hope that I have understood which product I want and also know fully what serious price I have to pay. Dear Gurumaharaj please bless me and pray to Mahaprabhu, so that I will be able to pay that price and buy my desired product.
kṛṣṇa-bhakti-rasa-bhāvitā matiḥ
krīyatāṁ yadi kuto ’pi labhyate
tatra laulyam api mūlyam ekalaṁ
janma-koṭi-sukṛtair na labhyate
Pure devotional service in Kṛṣṇa consciousness cannot be had even by pious activity in hundreds and thousands of lives. It can be attained only by paying one price—that is, intense greed to obtain it. If it is available somewhere, one must purchase it without delay. [Padyāvalī 14]
Your Spiritual Son,
Padmamukha Nimai Da
Mayapur
