oṁ ajñāna-timirāndhasya jñānāñjana-śalākayā
cakṣur unmīlitaṁ yena tasmai śrī-gurave namaḥ
nāma oṁ viṣṇu-pādāya kṛṣṇa-preṣṭhāya bhū-tale
śrīmate jayapatāka-svāmin iti nāmine
nāma ācaryapādāya nitāi-kṛpa pradāyine
gaura-kathā dhāma-dāya nagara-grāma tārine
Hare Krishna dear Guru Mahārāja,
Please accept my humble respectful obeisances at your lotus feet.
All glories to you Guru Mahārāja!!!
All glories to Śrīla Prabhupāda!!!
Śrīla Gurudeva, on the occasion of your Vyāsa Pūjā this year, I pray to Śrī Śrī Rādhā Gopīnātha, Gaura Nitāi, Jagannātha Baladeva Subhadrā and Narasiṁhadeva to protect you and bless you with good health.
We miss having you every year in Sydney. This time, I saw you at Chennai Ratha-yātrā. I was so engulfed in thinking that someone was not taking care of me. I could not even come near you and I was cursing myself that I do not have the burning desire to serve you. I felt that it was the worst day of my life. How could I lose the desire to be in your proximity? Despite being so engrossed in my selfish thoughts, you were so merciful that you gave me an opportunity to help Saṅkīrtana Narottama Prabhu in cooking for you the next day.
Every time I see you, I introduce myself by telling my name and where I come from. The next day when I saw you, I did the same thing. Each and every time you tell me that you stayed at our place to indicate that you already know me. I am such a fool that you keep reminding me patiently every time that you know me and I do not have to introduce myself. When will the ignorance be removed from my mind and when will I stop doubting whether you will know me? When will I throw my useless thoughts and completely surrender to your lotus feet? It seems so farfetched to me that I do not have the chance in this lifetime. But, you are my only hope and only through your mercy, this ignorance of mine can be removed. Please bestow your mercy upon this useless son so that I can be somehow or other useful to you.
A few days back, I was reading one of Śrīla Prabhupāda’s purports in Śrīmad Bhāgavatam about the descriptions of characteristics of Purañjana. Śrīla Prabhupāda makes this statement in the purport “As he tries to satisfy his senses more and more, he becomes more and more entangled.” Gurudeva, this is exactly my situation. I am so attracted to material sense gratification there is no way out for me.
In the same purport, Śrīla Prabhupāda quotes Śrīla Vidyāpati to explain about material sense gratification.
tātala saikate bāri-bindu-sama suta-mita-ramaṇi-samāje
tohe visari mana, tāhe samarpala ab majhu habo kon kāje
O Lord, completely forgetting You, I have offered my mind unto the society of women, children, and friends - but this experience has been just like offering a drop of water unto the burning hot sands of the beach.
Even after reading these statements, I am so ashamed to admit that I am attracted to materialistic sense gratification. I do not even have the sincerity to beg for your mercy. How can I possibly be relieved of this great misery? Somehow or other, please drag me out of these useless attachments and help me to become a worthy disciple.
Dear Gurudeva, this is only the tip of the iceberg to show that I am filled with countless faults. Myself, my wife Sriguru Bhakti Devī Dāsī and my son Bhakta Acyuta have been trying hard to bring many souls unto your lotus feet with the help of our Bhakti Vṛkṣa devotees despite so many obstacles. Everyone is very sincere to please you except me. My sincere heartfelt prayer to you to bestow your mercy upon them so that all of them can be fixed in your service. On this auspicious day, it is my sincere prayer that please help myself, my wife and my son to remain in the service of your lotus feet without succumbing to the materialistic pleasures. I also sincerely pray to Lord Narasimhadev to always protect you so that more and more conditioned souls can be delivered by your mercy.
Your fallen and unworthy servant begging for your mercy,
Ānandamaya Gopīnātha Dāsa (Diksha Disciple)