Dearest Gurumahārāja,
Please accept my most respectful obeisances at your divine lotus feet. All glories to Śrīla Prabhupāda! All glories to Your Divine Grace!
Another year has passed by witnessing your transcendental pastimes. A very happy 74th Vyāsa Pūjā. So many course of events appear in the memory as I begin to write the offering.
When the world sank in disappointment, you devised new methods to reach out to your disciples who were far away from you physically. You not only made our days wonderful with your divine audience on the Zoom screen but also filled our hearts with gratitude to the Lord for giving us shelter at your lotus feet.
For the last few months as I closely observed your regular health upheaval, I could see how you are the walking Bhagavatam. You are teaching the entire society of devotees and the human race in general how to practice what they preach. Every single day in your life is full of health challenges, big or small, however, you are untouched by the circumstance and remain absorbed and focused in spreading Kṛṣṇa consciousness in every town and village.
The files that contain your health reports is expanding and falling too short so as to make another new file. So is your enthusiasm and energy competing with the physical challenges, increasing manifold to give Kṛṣṇa to everyone.
I am grateful to you for allowing me to stay, see and serve you in Sridham Māyāpur more than ever. While so closely handling your blood samples, I was overwhelmed with the thought of the unbearable pain you tolerate, yet remaining a dhīra. Recently when you had tested positive for COVID, I was not surprised to see you attend your disciple's aspiring ceremony at 11 in the night, the day before you were hospitalised. Later when Sukhi Acyuta Prabhu told me how he witnessed your complete dependence on Kṛṣṇa under such challenging circumstances, I felt so hopeful to be in the right hands of a glorious master, who is the dear most servant of the Supreme master.
On the penultimate day of the Navadvīpa Maṇḍala Parikramā, we saw how you did not even have enough energy to lift your hands to honour the medallions and sit straight, you still made your appearance on the stage to see your disciples who have come from all across the globe to be able to see you once. Similar incidents of your leg pain during the ToVP festival could not compel you to take rest instead of witnessing the installation of Chotā Rādhā Mādhava deities. Now that you have gone to the US, even though weak, to meet and nourish the seeds of devotion in the hearts of thousands of devotees waiting to meet you there.
As disciples, we have been seeing how the unbelievable acts are normal and usual for you to execute. But recently when His Holiness Indradyumna Swami Mahārāja was here in Śrīdhāma Māyāpur and handing out cookies and sweets to each and every devotee who came to hear his class. I was reminded of the good old days when we could not only go and get those cookies from your lotus hands but sometimes even talk to you for sometime. How during the Gaura Pūrṇimā festival, we could sit up till late in the nights and hear from you and meet you in person. Over the years so much have changed, but I am grateful for all the good fortune you have made for us. However, at the same time I feel so guilty, for it is because of us that you are undergoing so much trouble that these new restrictions arose.
As I am struggling and struggling and loosing hope in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, I beg for your mercy so that I overcome them. Please bless me so that I may develop unflinching faith and devotion unto your divine grace. Please empower me to perform the services and execute the instructions that I received.
Please forgive me for the offences I have knowingly or unknowingly committed at your lotus feet. Thank you so much for everything.
Willing to love you someday,
Your spiritual daughter,
Snigdhamayi Sudevī Devī Dāsī (initiated disciple)
Śrīdhāma Māyāpur, India