Hare Krishna, Dear Gurudev!
Please accept my humble obeisances! All Glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Every time, when I want to write You about my "great service" to You, the greatness of it simplifies to the size of an ant !!!!
From the moment, 2013 when You appeared in my life and showered upon me Your unconditional mercy till today I went through different phases.
In the beginning, I needed so much your personal attention to myself, your direct association, but even then I couldn't stay a long time close to You. From the beginning, I heard the strong voice in my heart: "So, dear Sasi, you have got enough mercy, now you have to transform it into the devotional service"
I feel such a power and such a strength within You!! It is like a tsunami, which carries my small boat to an island of my spiritual path, of my way to live engaged in the devotional service. Your tsunami brings me always to the right island, where I can use my skills, my knowledge, empowered by Your mercy to serve others!
In 2015/2016/2017 I went through the storm in the ocean of my material life. I thought my boat would be completely destroyed. But Your waves of mercy have brought me to the islands of wellwishers and instead to serve I had to learn how to accept care and protection. I had to learn the functions of my boat and how to deal with it in a proper way, that it can serve longer and better.
I dream that one day my small boat will become a big ocean liner with a Victory Flag on it - Jayapataka, always carried by Your tsunami waves of Mercy, of Your great example. A big ocean liner - because it is Your Mood - to make service to Srila Prabhupada on an unlimited scales.
Now I am still a little, weak boat. But I feel that it started with small steps to fulfill its mission - to serve!
In September 2017, on Sadhu Sanga festival in Russia, I came to You with 2 pleas:
1. Friends in Krishna Consciousness to practice and serve together
2. Prema Bhakti
These wishes are prayers of Gour Govinda Swami when he had received sannyasa. It made a klick in my heart. Such a great Vaisnava ask for friends to serve together - so long I had the same wish, but have not asked. And I thought maybe I can start to think, what does it mean to pray for Prema Bhakti.
I received answers and Your kind Blessings immediately!
Very soon in Frankfurt, I met people, who became my friends and together we learn how to become a team in Service to the Mission of Srila Prabhupada.
The great happiness, which I see as a glimpse of Prema Bhakti manifests to me in the moments, when I was fully engaged, according to my nature, serving from the heart, totally absorbed in the service, serving with friends.
Of course, I understand, that I am too far from that state of Prema Bhakti. But these experiences allowed me to wish this fortune and take my own responsibility for achieving Prema Bhakti!
I learn to take my responsibility in following my promises to You, in following your instructions, in trying to understand Your Heart, to get infected by Your mood, to understand my conditional and unconditional nature and engaged it totally in the service for You.
I see, that it is happening very slowly. But it is happening!!
I take my responsibility to continue. Always.
And all my small attempts, like an ant, will become smth great only because of You, only because for You.
And if my small boat may become one day a big liner, then only with a Victory Flag - Jayapataka - in the service of Srila Prabhupada!!!!
Without You, dear Gurudev, I am only able to die every day.
With You, I feel, that I really live.
I want to live with gratitude,
as your dedicated follower and servant
Sasirekha Gopika d.d.