Dear Guru Maharaj,
Please Accept My Respectful Obeisances At Your Lotus Feet !
All Glories To You and Srila Prabhupada !
Dearest Guru Maharaj, My beloved spiritual father savior of the fallen souls and well-wisher of the entire universe.
I am very fortunate to have the opportunity to write to You on the auspicious day of Your appearance. On this very special and auspicious occasion with Your appearance came a ray of hope for all the unfortunate jivas like myself, struggling hopelessly in the vicelike grip of Maya, of continuous pain and suffering and repeated birth and death. Kindly accept this attempt as I am trying to praise Your qualities and activities. I often think about where I would be without You and Your disciples.
Wish You a very Happy Vyasa-puja with sincere and intense prayer to Sri Sri Krishna for this special day. But the time since then has been full of realizations and new spiritual experiences due to Your blessings. Keeping You at the centre of my life, each day I can feel how Your causeless mercy flows unconditionally in the upkeep of my devotional service. I am thankful to Lord Krishna, who has mercifully sent You as my master and savior.
There is so much that I have to say. Yet out of foolishness I cannot find the appropriate words. I am incapable of expressing myself truly. This body and mind are full of contaminations and faults. I only pray that You are seeing the essence of this being.
What a whirlwind of change this year has brought for you Guru Mahārāja . You are doing so much better health wise and as I write this offering, the whole world is preparing to celebrate your 74th Vyasa Puja with great pomp. I heard that with some help you may be able to walk soon, and I know it is your desire to dance for Lord Gaurāṅga. But please take care of yourself first. Śrīla Prabhupāda said so too. Your intimate and senior disciples are working so hard so you won’t have any discomfort or pain of any sort. And they take such good care of you. All glories to them!
So please take care. Please!
This also means I have one more whole year of your lectures and talks to catch up with as I want to hear all of yours and Śrīla Prabhupāda’s lectures ever given. I want them to be embedded in my heart so whenever I speak it will only be those words and not even slightly tainted by my own bias or opinions.
By your continuous shower of mercy, this year also means completing 1 year as your dīkṣā disciple, from Karishma to Krsnamohini Gopi Devi Dasi. It's an indescribable experience for me and I'm still processing the fact that I'm a soldier in your army and that I'm initiated now. And by some incredible fortune stationed to guard me in my life were two of your disciples as my parents, Bhakta Deepak Joshi and HG Ratirupini Jahnava Devi Dasi.
Guru maharaj, I had the fortune of cooking breakfast for you during your trip to Dubai last year, before you accepted me as your disciple. I had the opportuinity to join you at expo and explore with you , and the learn about the vision you have for the future. I have shared a picture of the burst of happiness that I'm still carrying with me till date , when I was given seva to hold your hat and juice while you honoured prasdam at lunchtime.
Constantly, I am struggling with where I am supposed to be, because my mind wants recognition and facility, but what I truly want is only emotional attachment to those who are my true well-wishers. Spiritual emotions, nothing fanatical, or like blind faith. But faith and emotion founded on realization. I am serving the Yatra's kirtan team along with a senior mataji who is guiding me. The past 2 years have been a real struggle for me in regards to my education and the people I am surrounded by. It has been filled with a lot of fear, betrayal and anxiety but the only thing that keeps me going is reminding myself of my goal and that I have to please you and Krsna and not myself. I am still so very selfish, stubborn and lazy. These things I wish I would grow out of. Maybe greed for purification and stubborn to help others.
I have also very recently had a wonderful experience of travelling to Mayapur after 7 years and taking your darshan in person. Words fall short to explain how I feel being in your physical presence, truly belssed ! My Sincere prayer for my family to visit to Mayapur together as I just visited with my mother this time.
I want to express my gratitude to you and your mercy that you are constantly showering on my family. We had a rough time during new years as my father underwent a surgery and they had to remove his gall bladder. It all happened so fast , that we did not have time to proces what was happening but during this whole procession, my father was adamant that he listens to your lectures , he did not miss the weekly yatra program too and attended it online. I'm forever grateful to you Guru maharaj for keeping your hand over our heads all the time. My brother Param is studying in the US and is managing to do his sadhana sincerely despite the fact that there is no guidance around his area. He is aspiring for HH Radhanath Swami and is trying ot get initiation too.
I, most fervently, pray to Lord Narsimha Dev that You quickly recover and start traveling to accomplish Your objective of ‘nagar gram tarine’. I also beg You today to please forgive me for the offences that I commit unknowingly while being engaged in my services, due to my incorrigible nature. I hope that, gradually, with Your mercy, I will be able to make myself a better devotee. This is possible only if I have Your mercy; else I am completely incapable of achieving anything.
Please, accept this humble request to allow me to always provide sincere service at Your lotus feet.
Your eternal servant and student (trying to be humble)
Kṛṣṇamohinī Gopī Devī Dāsī
