nama oṁ viṣṇu-pādāya kṛṣṇa-preṣṭhāya bhū-tale
śrīmate jayapatāka svāmin iti nāmine
nama ācaryapādāya nitāi-kṛpā-pradāyine
gaura-kathā-dhāma-dāya nagara-grāma-tāriṇe
Dearest Guru Mahārāja,
Please accept my respectful obeisances unto Your lotus feet; All glories to Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurānga! All glories to Śrīla Prabhupāda! All glories to You on this auspicious occasion of Your Vyāsa-pūjā! Wish you a very blissful appearance day!
I offer my sincere prayers at the lotus feet of Śrīmatī Rādhikā to keep you healthy so that you fulfil the instructions that Śrīla Prabhupāda gave you.
I feel greatly fortunate to get to celebrate the Vyāsa-pūjā in your personal presence in Śrīdhāma Māyāpur. More so, to be a witness to some of your heart-moving pastimes.
I often find myself caught up with the thoughts that you would leave us bereft of your physical presence sometime soon after the opening of TOVP. I do not really know how things would be after that. Whatever time is remaining is of utmost value for me.
In the early days of my interactions with you, I learnt from you that the secret of advancement is to satisfy the desires of the previous ācāryās. You exemplify this with your very existence. And, as the years pass by, I’m becoming more and more impressed by this statement of yours. Contemplating on it, I find myself incapable of comprehending it fully that how you think of ways and means to do it. Moreover, not just think, but execute them with dedication despite all challenges faced, physically or from non-devotees or from within devotee community. The desire to establish the lotus footprints of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu in various places is the recent-most one that made me awestruck and deeply touched.
I recently came across one email thread of yours which is from a time sometime after the departure of Śrīla Prabhupāda. Therein one devotee was trying to accuse you in many ways, but the way you responded to it, back and forth multiple times, was just so amazing. I was impressed by the clarity of thoughts and this same mood of yours - to do anything needful for the service of Śrīla Prabhupāda. Mere show of humility at the cost of service to our spiritual master is nothing but useless, as much as arrogance is when it becomes disservice to him.
There have been few reversals in my life during the past year. The turmoil of material emotions and actions often force me to think deeply about the entire existence and I almost always come to the conclusion to intensify my devotional practices. Ultimately, that’s the only solution, but often left ignored or much enacted upon part in our life. These have very much helped me rise above ordinary spheres of life and I welcome them in life as much as conducive for my progress. Moreover, I do wish to inculcate absorption in sādhana and sevā absolutely out of greed for the goal of bhakti, untinged with frustration or dissatisfaction in material attempts. I often observe devotees around me, some carrying on with their services very sincerely, some trying to live up to standard, some succumbing to lower natures. Whatever it be, the real test comes at the time of difficulties. And, the response of the devotee shows the level of actual advancement. With all my observations, related to either personal affairs of life or management in the institution, complexities in the project or maintaining relationships with devotees... Whatever it be, unless we truly remain hooked onto the core principles of bhakti, to strive to become better at it, to strive to attain real spiritual experiences, we get and often remain side-tracked from the main path of Gauḍīya bhakti or less so we become slowed down in the progress. Leave aside the mental strain one undergoes in these. Devotional practice solely motivated by the desire to attain a goal or thirst for real spiritual experiences is much needed. After all, theories should turn into divya pratyakṣa pramāṇa in due course. When would I truly realize Kṛṣṇa in His holy name? When would I witness the pastimes of Gaurāṅga still being performed in Navadvīpa dhāma? When would such experiences as described for the stage of bhāva arise? When would the transcendental nature of arcā-vigraha appear in my heart? I just long for these. Often these simple truths simply remain theory for simplistic practitioners. In the state of infancy and helplessness to attain these, I’m just dependent on your mercy, dear gurudeva. I know you have them. It’s just inaccessible to me right now.
It appears that for many years my devotional practices have remained very superficial, some sort of mechanical action. Some recent past contemplations have opened up my eyes to a whole new depth that our practices can go to. That is devotional practice surcharged with the emotions and feelings for all our actions, rather than just spending hours and hours on the name of service but not having those feelings in the heart. That’s how it works in material world too. Because a mother has deep emotional bonding with the child, all her actions come out with so much of absorption. Somehow, there needs to a conscious cultivation of favorable emotions in our practices rather than just somehow going on with the activities of external senses. That would certainly give rise to absorption in the practice and would help us grow sooner. I know these all are inspired by you and the absorption that you exhibit.
I often wonder about my vision and understanding about your personality. Factually, the veil of material coverings are very-very powerful. It often covers our eyes from seeing your divinity. With the extent of your availability and approachability, I find many, including myself, caught up in this. Because of the charismatic magnet that you are, iron-fillings like devotees get just pulled to you wherever you go. But, to touch and feel your inner mood and state of heart is a step much farther than just physical proximity with you. Ah! How wonderful was the day, when you brought about loving sentiments and gratitude in my heart to Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu for having revealed Śrī Vṛndāvana dhāma to us, with your class in the courtyard of Śrī Śrī Kṛṣṇa Balarāma Temple. Though you do it in almost every talk of yours, but this day was indeed very special for me. I wish to be deeply bathed by that mood of yours and remain absorbed in it. Let familiarity and the ease of your availability not make my heart any less fertile to continuously see your divinity and be touched by it. Please remove that curtain and let me see your true personality, as an associate of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu. After all, whatever I have achieved so far is all because of your mercy only. Your mere glance at me has brought about significant change in my life. I have clearly observed it few times. Please extend your causeless blessings again to reveal your true inner identity and make me a recipient of a drop of your bhava for Śrī Śrī Rādhā Mādhava. That’s my hope. That’s my solace.
Over the past year, I’ve seen unique attachment to Śrī Vṛndāvana dhāma and to the service of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī arise in my heart. And I feel very fortunate and blessed to have attained it. Thank you very much for blessing me with this!
I seek forgiveness for my negligence and offenses that I’ve committed unto your lotus feet and request for your blessings that I continue to progress inch-by-inch towards the goal of Gauḍīya Vaiṣṇavism.
Hare Kṛṣṇa!
Your insignificant disciple,
Sucāru Murārī dāsa (Dikṣā)
Pune, India