nama oṁ viṣṇu-pādāya kṛṣṇa-preṣṭhāya bhū-tale
śrīmate jayapatāka svāmin iti nāmine
nama ācaryapādāya nitāi-kṛpā-pradāyine
gaura-kathā-dhāma-dāya nagara-grāma-tāriṇe
śrī-kṛṣṇa-caitanya prabhu-nityānanda
śrī-advaita gadādhara śrīvāsādi-gaura-bhakta-vṛnda
Hare Kṛṣṇa Hare Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Hare Hare
Hare Ram Hare Ram Ram Ram Hare Hare
Hey Śrīla Guru Mahārāja please accept my respectful obeisances. All glories to Śrīla Prabhupāda. All glories to your preaching of the name of Lord Śrī Kṛṣṇa all over the world and liberating millions of people out of the nescience of material existence. Hey Guru Mahārāja I feel fortunate and protected under your lotus feet. Kindly give me your blessings so that I can remain under the shelter of your lotus feet. Guru Mahārāja when I see your notifications of your daily activities on my phone I understand how incessantly you are working day and night and with pretty much fixed routine, it inspires me to do the same to serve the mission of Śrīla Prabhupāda. Thank you so much for being what you are, a great soldier in the army of Śrīla Prabhupāda.
Guru Mahārāja I am constantly seeking your blessings to remain Kṛṣṇa conscious. Guru Mahārāja for the past few days I have become doubtful in my loyalty as a disciple to you as I am engaged in activities which I am not supposed to do. There is one senior scholarly devotee of yours Guru Mahārāja who have been constantly criticizing you in different degrees to different people. He was speaking ill about you to me using the soft language and in the beginning I could not understand as he is very close to you. While doing the various courses at the Māyāpur institute I came in contact with him and I was impressed with his presentation of Kṛṣṇa consciousness and his unhappiness that how some of the direct disciples of Śrīla Prabhupāda and subsequent generations is not following the instructions of Śrīla Prabhupāda as it is and it inspired me to truly follow Śrīla Prabhupāda. I started looking at him as someone who is really helping me in advancing in my Kṛṣṇa consciousness by helping me understanding the books, letters, and room conversations of Śrīla Prabhupāda.
But gradually I came to know that he is very much critical of your lotus feet to the extent that he has become envious of you and discouraging people to take initiation from you. He is even getting angry at those who took initiation from you. Most of the time he talks about varṇāśrama and how you are not following Śrīla Prabhupāda by not implementing the concepts of varṇāśrama in ISKCON and hence you are not a true follower of Śrīla Prabhupāda. But Guru Mahārāja I have been attending his classes for a long time and I also came to know that he has understood the philosophy of Kṛṣṇa consciousness at least in the knowledge form as many of the things he said are supported by the various Scholar devotees of Śrīla Prabhupāda and kind of makes sense to me. For example about the origin of jīva’s and changing of rasa of the jīva’s etc which I find contradictory to the teachings of Śrīla Prabhupāda when I hear devotees from Chowpathy etc. So I am kind of attached to his teachings but at the same time I feel that I am not being loyal to you as I am still associating with a person who is blaspheming you openly. So Guru Mahārāja kindly give me your blessing so that I can come out of the association of that person and get the confidence that Kṛṣṇa will help me understand the philosophy from some other source as well.
Guru Mahārāja I hear your Caitanya book lectures pretty much every time you deliver them and I feel enlivened to hear them. Guru Mahārāja I met you in USA in 2013 and 2015 and I got time to spend with you personally day and night and I saw how you were dragging this body to the highest limit to help devotees advance in their Kṛṣṇa consciousness. And then I moved to Māyāpur to live here in your holy association but after coming to Māyāpur it is very difficult to sometimes even see you face to face as there are so many people here waiting to see your lotus feet. So Guru Mahārāja I kind of miss that personal association and guidance from you. I have been working hard to get your association again in a proper manner and hoping one day I will be able to see you personally on a daily basis and enquire from you directly about the doubts I have, share with you the things that are bothering me etc.
Guru Mahārāja I am very fallen and full of material desires. Guru Mahārāja I am eagerly seeking your blessings so that I can be useful to your lotus feet. Kindly allow me to have your personal association once again. Waiting for that day when I can please you with my service. Jaya Guru Mahārāja kī Jaya. Śrīla Prabhupāda kī Jaya. Gaurāṅga. Hare Kṛṣṇa!!!
Your insignificant servant,
Śrīdhara Gaura Bhakta Dāsa