nama oṁ viṣṇu-pādāya kṛṣṇa-preṣṭhāya bhū-tale
śrīmate jayapatāka svāmin iti nāmine
nama ācārya-pādāya nitāi-kṛpā-pradāyine
gaura-kathā-dhāma-dāya nagara-grāma-tāriṇe
Hare Kṛṣṇa Guru Mahārāja,
My worshipable spiritual master and my beloved spiritual father,
Please accept my humble obeisances unto the dust of your lotus feet.
All glories to Śrīla Prabhupāda!
All glories to you!
On this auspicious day of your Vyāsa-pūjā, as on all other days, I pray to Lord Nṛsiṁhadeva that you may have a safe and healthy life for many more years, continuing to guide and uplift your disciples.
This is the time of the year when every disciple reflects on their journey and reports their services and achievements before you. You have many amazing disciples who, year after year, offer significant services in fulfilling your divine mission. Just like Hanumān, who is ever eager to serve Lord Rāma, some of my godbrothers enthusiastically assist you in carrying out Śrīla Prabhupāda's vision. Others serve like the squirrels who helped Lord Rāma in building the bridge, playing their small yet valuable roles.
But when I look back at my own life, not only in the past year but throughout my entire existence, I see nothing of worth that I have done to assist you in serving Śrīla Prabhupāda. Every year I fail to offer you any meaningful service, and yet, shamelessly, I stand before you, calling myself your disciple. But in reality, a disciple is meant to reflect the mood of the Guru.
Śrīla Prabhupāda always said that the mercy of Lord Nityānanda is like koṭi-candra-suśītala—cooling and soothing like the moonlight of millions of moons. He also declared that you are an eternal associate of Lord Nityānanda, sent to this world to distribute His mercy. Since you have taught us that Śrīla Prabhupāda is always right, I firmly believe that, Guru Mahārāja, your glories are like the soothing, spotless moonlight. But among the countless godbrothers and godsisters who are like brilliant stars that amplify your glories, I am like the darkness of an eclipse, constantly tainting the brilliance of your divine personality.
This year, as I reflected on myself, I realized something about your mercy. Just like a fallen fruit lying on the ground has no value, no one wants to pick it up or eat it. However, when that same fruit is offered to the Lord, it is transformed into mahā-prasādam, becoming sacred and desirable. The fruit itself had no worth, but due to the Lord’s mercy, it became valuable.
Similarly, Śrīla Guru Mahārāja, I have no intrinsic value or worth. I never did. But after you mercifully accepted me under your shelter, suddenly, this fallen and unworthy self gained some purpose and significance. I am still the same fallen soul I always was, but due to your causeless mercy, I now have some meaning in my existence. This only proves that my existence—both in this material world and in the spiritual world—is solely dependent on your mercy. Without it, I am and will always be nothing.
Year after year, you endure suffering, yet you continue to serve tirelessly. Once, you mentioned that due to the misdeeds of your disciples, twenty years of your life was taken away. And yet, selfishly, I still desire for you to stay longer with us, without even aligning my own actions to the Vaiṣṇava siddhānta.
You pray for us daily, and it is your prayers that protect us from the wrath of Lord Gaura Hari, just as Lord Nityānanda protected Jagāi and Mādhāi from the anger of Lord Gaurāṅga. But at least Jagāi and Mādhāi had an awakening. I still do not. I fear the day when my offenses will exceed the protective barrier of your prayers.
So today, on this sacred occasion, I take this opportunity to confess all my misdeeds before you. I sincerely beg forgiveness at your lotus feet, and I take a solemn vow to rectify myself. I pray for the strength to become a worthy disciple, so that if—after countless births—I ever attain Goloka Vṛndāvana and the privilege of assisting you in your service, you will not have to lower your head in shame when introducing me before Lord Gaurāṅga.
Please bless me with the strength and determination to walk the path you desire for me.
With this humble prayer in my heart and a sincere request at your lotus feet, I conclude my offering.
Your ever-unworthy disciple,
Akiñcana Dāmodara Dāsa