Dearest Gurumaharaj,
Please accept my humble obeisances.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
All glories to your divine grace.
This is my first offering as your initiated disciple & I am full of gratitude.
Please help me to purify my desires as I understand from Srimad Bhagavatam (3.6.3) that it is our unfinished forgotten desires that Paramatma reminds us of and we act according to these desires.
I want to act for you so please help me to release these previous useless desires that I have accumulated in my heart. Let me be aware of them & let let them go. Making room only for your desires to become my own. This synthesis is what will purify my consciousness so that my activities are not so contradictory to the goal of Prema Bhakti.
I hope for my consciousness to become one with yours not in a voidist way but one in “agreement” (SP, SB 3.6.7)
Srila Prabhupada talks of the Universal form dividing into 3 after entering the 23 material elements... consciousness, activity & self identification.
Self identification is further split into identifying with the body & mind (adhyatmika), identifying with the material products (adhybhautika) & identifying as a servant of the Lord (adhidaivika). (SB 3.6.7 purport)
I can see that being your disciple with a new name means to strive for the 3rd level whereby every decision I make is based on me seeing myself as a servant of the Lord. Instead of being Nishi who strives for herself and those around her. I am Adhishvari Revati D D who strives for Guru & Gauranga.
The space between material life & spiritual life is no fun at all. It doesn’t nourish us, it’s infertile and nothing grows there, it’s not even enjoyable on the basest of levels as we can’t enjoy material life nor can we enjoy spiritual life.
It’s existing but not living.
It’s a static place of stagnation.
And I felt like I was rotting there.
SB 3.7.17 describes it perfectly...
“Both the lowest of fools and he who is transcendental to all intelligence enjoy happiness, whereas persons between them suffer the material pangs.”
Being accepted by you has felt like someone threw me a lifeline... and I am trying to hold on with both hands & let the waves of your mercy & instructions carry me back to Krsna.
I know it won’t be easy & I am not out of the choppy waters yet but I feel connected to an indestructible tie. As long as I do my bit & hold on then I have full faith in the destination.
As Vidura says to Maitreya in SB 3.7.18
“But, my dear sir, I am obliged to you because now I can understand that this material manifestation is without substance, although it appears real. I am confident that by serving your feet it will be possible for me to give up the false idea.”
Wishing you well so you many continue your service to Srila Prabhupada.
With all my gratitude & love
your spiritual daughter,
Adishvari Revati Devi Dasi