nama oṁ viṣṇu-pādāya kṛṣṇa-preṣṭhāya bhū-tale
śrīmate jayapatākā-svāmin iti nāmine
nama ācārya-pādāya nitāi kṛpā pradāyine
gaura-kathā dhāma daya nagara grāma tārine
Beloved Dear Guru Mahārāja,
Please Accept My Respectful Obeisances
All glories to Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurānga
All glories to Śrīla Prabhupāda
All glories to You on this auspicious occasion of your Vyasa Puja
This Vyasa Puja brings a mixed feeling in my heart: the first one - to get an opportunity to celebrate this and recollect and restrengthen my relationship with you, the other – to have missed your personal darshan for a whole year, to not get to see the devotees thronging from different parts of the world in the Vyasa Puja celebration in Sridham Mayapur.
Though the situations were odd, you’ve so extended yourself to not just give darshan to all devotees but you so fondly go to each one’s house, take darshan of the deities there and accept prasadam… such a sweet exchange and unique way to inspire and instil faith in everyone. This shows how much you care for each and every disciple of yours. A whole new revamping and re-structuring of JPS care is another testimony of your care, concern and compassion for your disciples.
As you said once by carrying out the order of the spiritual master, a pure disciple is intimately connected with the spiritual master more than at any other time, and that connection is so strong and sweet, that he may even override some ritual, absorbed in that mood of satisfying his innermost desire. What will carry out and satisfy his intention, that is the higher principle, I was wondering as to which all instructions of yours can I try to fulfil, being unable to carry out all of them. I was wondering what action would please you most. I got an opportunity to ask you this question. As I didn’t know what it would be for me that would please you most. You said “Normally if one serves and assists in expanding the movement of Srila Prabhupada, by helping and serving with local temple, that will please you. But if someone develops attitude of spontaneous service or ecstatic devotional service, that pleases you the most”. I’ve kept it in my heart and deeply wish to carry it out.
As I try to see the last year in a snap, I find myself going high and low repeatedly in my practices. My own anarthas block the practice, sap me away of the taste to practice. Over the years, I have come to understand that focusing on improving our practice is more important than desire to be free from anarthas. Since performance of devotional service is so powerful that in due time, the result is sure to come. One big obstacle that can impede it is offenses to Vaishnavas. Maintaining a vengeful attitude or even a negative perceptions about other Vaishnavas is detrimental for one’s progress. Therefore, I’m putting my focus more on improving the practice and not committing offenses. I try to see apparent conflict and arguments between devotees in the light of Krishna’s intervention in them.
I completed the reading of Chaitanya Charitamrita and Nityananda Charitamrita and felt so unqualified and blessed to go through them. There were many overwhelming moments while reading and getting to know the pastimes, the qualities and glories of the Lord and the devotees.
My personal touch with you, your vani and pastimes has slackened over the years as I see through it. I wish to be deeply connected to you Guru Maharaj, and imbibe some portions of the mood you have for serving Srila Prabhupada and the compassion you have for all. I beseech your blessing for the same, so that I can restrengthen my connection with you and serve and please you.
Hare Krishna!
Your insignificant disciple,
Sucāru Murārī dāsa
(Dikṣā disciple)