My Dear Guru Mahārāja,
I have been a complete fool throughout my life, but somehow by divine mercy, Śrīla Prabhupāda and you, my Guru Mahārāja, have taken me in your shelter. I was so lost that I never came across words like Kṛṣṇa consciousness or ISKCON but today by your mercy I have been in Kṛṣṇa consciousness since last two years, and for the first time I want to write an offering to you on the glorious occasion of your appearance day. All Glories to your auspicious appearance day, my beloved Guru Mahārāja!
Almost two years ago, I came into Kṛṣṇa consciousness and since then my life has been completely different and better! I was appearing for my medical entrance examinations, I gave multiple attempts but failed miserably. I failed to crack my entrance examinations thrice, but after my third defeat, I came across Kṛṣṇa consciousness. I started practicing bhakti a little but in my fourth attempt also, I couldn’t clear my examinations. I decided to sit for the fifth attempt. I continued preparing for my exam and also practiced my little sādhana, but towards the end of my preparation when the exams started getting closer, I started getting extremely nervous. By this time, it has been already 1 year that I was visiting temples, chanting occasionally, reading Śrīla Prabhupāda books, so I already had few friends who were connected with ISKCON and from them, I heard your name Guru Mahārāja! When nervousness started crossing all limits, I heard from my friend, that His Holiness Jayapatākā Swami Mahārāja is extremely merciful and he will definitely give me strength. I was very hopeless and anxious at that time, and I turned my head towards you. My Guru Mahārāja, since then my life hasn’t been the same. I prayed to you so much during my examination. I remember crying to you during my preparation phase and one thing that I have understood is that you truly are the most merciful. I don’t know why and how, but I used not call you just Mahārāja, instead I used to call you as ‘Guru Mahārāja’ only. I have been calling you guru right from the very starting when I was a complete neophyte in bhakti.
I still am very fallen and lack knowledge but back then I had even less spiritual knowledge and strength. You gave me all the strength to face my examinations. You gave me all the wisdom to write my examinations. You gave me all the spiritual strength to surrender and trust Gaura Nitāi. I happily want to inform you my Gurudeva, that by your mercy, I cleared my medical entrance, and I will become a doctor too if that pleases Śrīla Prabhupāda and you! It was not just the success for me Guru Mahārāja, you really gave me strength to face critical situations during worst phase of my life.
There is an incident which I want to share Guru Mahārāja. I cleared my medical entrance in May 2023, but even before that, in December 2022, I had the fortune of visiting Śrī Māyāpur Dhāma for the first time ever and one of the best memories I have of that Yātrā is that I had your divine darshans! You are so merciful, Guru Mahārāja, that even before I had the darśanas of Śrī Śrī Rādhā Mādhava, Śrī Śrī Prahlāda Narasiṁha, Śrī Śrī Pañca-tattva, I had Your Divine darśana Guru Mahārāja. Guru gave me darśanas before Gaurāṅga! Even before having the first glimpse of the Lordships, I had your darśanas Guru Mahārāja! This means a lot to me! I remember, you were in your vehicle that you use to travel within the Māyāpur campus, I paid my obeisances to you, and I noticed how you were raising your hand to bless everyone present there! Even during the sandhyā-ārati, you came to the temple, pedaling all the way through! What a moment it was for me! I remember having tears in my eyes!
I used to pray to Śrīla Prabhupāda, that I am very fallen but I seek my spiritual master and I feel, Śrīla Prabhupāda, has always directed me towards your lotus Feet, Gurudeva. After, I cleared my medical entrance, I started visiting temple more often. During Kolkata Ratha-yātrā 2023, you blessed this fool with so much mercy! Kolkata Ratha-yātrā 2023 was my very first ISKCON Ratha-yātrā, I heard from so many devotees that you come to Kolkata every year and inaugurate the Ratha-yātrā! I participated in the Ratha-yātrā as much as I could. I really wanted to have your darśana Guru Mahārāja, I remember running here and there as soon as I heard that you have arrived and are present in front of the Ratha! I ran crazily to have your darśana, but you being the Ocean of Mercy, didn’t just give me a moment of darśana but let me have such close association too. I remember I was included in your security. I was also standing with the bodyguard Prabhujis, you are so merciful Guru Mahārāja, that even without any qualification, you allowed me to stay so close to you. I remember it so very well, I was throughout with you, right from Baladevajī and Subhadrā Mahārāṇī ratha till your car parked close to ISKCON Kolkata, Minto park. I had such close darśana, I even got the opportunity to fan you! A servitor of yours was fanning you with a hand fan, and he was merciful upon me and gave me opportunity to fan you! Your mercy didn’t end here! Even while sitting in the car, you looked at me through the window, I was so close and trying to absorb your darshans as much as I could. You were raising your hand to bless everyone present there, but when I came further close to the window, I felt that you didn’t put your hand on my head, I was slightly disheartened Guru Mahārāja, somewhere I felt you haven’t accepted me, but what happened in the following days, really made me believe that the guru is always listening and helping the disciple. After the ratha, Jagannātha Baladeva Subhadrājī were in Guṇḍicā temple in Park Street. During that time, there was one evening when your class was scheduled, I was late for the class and I was walking quickly towards the tent where your class was scheduled and I remember that even before entering the tent, I heard your loud chants! You were chanting GAURĀṄGA! That chant is my go to chant whenever I fall weak in my life. I love your chants Guru Mahārāja, it feels as if your loud cry fills all the devotees with love and devotion for Gaurāṅga Mahāprabhu! Again, while you were leaving from the class to take darśana of Jagannātha Baladeva Subhadrājī, I again got opportunity to be included in your security sevā. By that time, I loved being part of your security because it allowed me to be in your close association and also serve your personally. After you took the darśana of Their Lordships, there was a Q-and-A session scheduled but that got cancelled owing to your health reasons. I already had a question for you Guru Mahārāja, but I feel you answered me indirectly.
My question was that how do I take initiation from you? How do I become your disciple? I want to become your disciple but I am just starting my MBBS journey, I don’t know how well I’ll be able to maintain chanting 16 rounds and four regulative principles with my hectic profession and fallen condition. I couldn’t ask you my question but somewhere I feel you did convey to me that you might take me as your disciple. That day, after you took the darśana of the Lordships, you were returning back to your car and that time there were a lot of devotees, you were blessing them with your transcendental stick. I remember how your personal servitors were trying to hold your hand back because they were concerned about your physical health but you, my Guru Mahārāja, I remember you were practically fighting with them to bless the present devotees with your mercy and stick! During that time, you blessed me with your stick too, and not just this, your transcendental lotus hands touched my head too! I remember that moment so very well. I just stood after that, seeing you get in the car and wondering how can someone be so merciful! I felt as if you have blessed me. I also got the mahā-prasāda of flowers from your very own garland that day!
Even very recently, in March 2024, during Narasiṁhadeva Wing Opening, I again had your divine darśana! I stood outside Lotus building to have your darśana. When I had your darśana, I chanted loudly, Patita-pāvana Guru Mahārāja kī Jaya! I really hope it reached your divine ears.
I want to become your disciple but I don’t know how is this possible in this fallen state. Not only am I so fallen, but my medical profession also scares me that it’ll get very hectic in future. I am really sorry Guru Mahārāja that I have deviated from my sādhana and regulatives many times, even though you have been so merciful, I have failed you but please don’t leave me, I am nothing without you. I want to become your son. Please give me the knowledge and strength Guru Mahārāja. You are constantly an inspiration to me. I get inspired and motivated by seeing you constantly and tirelessly serve Śrīla Prabhupāda. It astonishes me how despite health issues, you distribute the message and love of Godhead! I want to serve you both as a dāsa and as a doctor. Please be with me and guide me. I want to thank you for everything, for taking care of me, for protecting me, for guiding me, for always being there for me. Without Śrīla Prabhupāda and you, I would have been ruining my human lifeform and indulging myself in to ill deeds. Thank you for giving me second chance to life.
I pray to Śrī Pañca-tattva, Śrī Narasiṁha Prahlāda, Śrī Rādhā Mādhava and Śrīla Prabhupāda for you good health.
Your aspiring servant,
Rishav Gupta,
Kolkata, Connected with ISKCON Newtown.